2023 Ford Bronco

Meet the 2023 Ford Bronco Everglades: a beautiful, mud-churning brick designed for people whose favorite outdoor activity is getting hopelessly lost where cell service goes to die. It is fully prepared to dominate brutal mountain trails, or more realistically, the terrifying speed bumps at your local Costco. The I Swear I'm Outdoorsy Package: The Snorkel: Yes, it has a factory snorkel. No, you cannot breathe through it. It is for the truck. It lets you drive through deep water, or just look incredibly dramatic while idling in the Starbucks drive-thru during a light drizzle. Environmental Awareness: It achieves a glorious 18 mpg in the city and 17 mpg on the highway. It actively fights the environment by consuming it, one gallon of gas at a time. The Sound of Silence (Almost): Features an AM/FM SiriusXM radio with 7 speakers, plus a special subwoofer delete option, ensuring your passengers can hear every single scream when you accidentally drive down a ravine. Standard Survival Gear: SYNC 4 Infotainment: An interactive screen to help you navigate back to civilization after you realize you are not actually Bear Grylls. Basic Human Decency: Includes revolutionary tech like air conditioning, windows that move via electricity, and a steering wheel that you can physically tilt when you get frustrated. Mirrors with Feelings: Heated power door mirrors that will stay clear just so you can watch the paint get scratched by tree branches in high definition. The Panic Button: An actual panic alarm. Use it when you see a spider on the dashboard, or when you look at your monthly financing payment. Airbags Everywhere: Dual front, side, and overhead airbags. If you roll this thing into a swamp, you will pop out like a very safe, very wet piece of toast. If you are ready to pretend you love camping just to justify owning a vehicle with a built-in winch, this is your ride.