That’s right, five stars. - The Sub Vet
That’s right, five stars. Because without this dealership, well — there wouldn’t be a story time today. And what’s life without a story?
Stick around for this one, ‘cause the best stories (and movies) always have the same ingredients: a little deceit, a couple of villains, some middlemen straddling the line between good and bad, and at the end of the day the hero still manages to walk away with the prize. In my case, that prize is my bride my queen who puts up with these harebrained adventures — and the slightly used new to me truck we ended up driving home with a surprise busted windshield upgrade.
Disclaimer: Back when I gave tours in my submarine missile compartment, I was required to say: “These here birds in them tubes may or may not carry nuclear weapons.” Well, this tale may or may not be about Woodmen Nissan in Colorado Springs. Any blame rests squarely on me, ‘cause I’m just learning the hard way — like a rookie on his first patrol, sent topside to fetch the mail buoy. This is my personal opinion and experience, told with a little humor, so lean back and enjoy.
The Boss Hogg Funnel
I came in loaded for bear — four-page requirement sheet for a brand-new 2025 Frontier SV, 6,000-lb tow, and a credit union pre-approval at 4.5%. Two weeks of research, depreciation charts, and loan math in my sea bag. Figured I’d slide in under their sonar, hide below the thermals, and make a clean getaway.
But wouldn’t you know it — that “2025” turned out to be a 2022. A classic bait-and-switch. Now, part of that’s on me. I assumed since my requirements said brand new, that’s what I’d get. Didn’t catch the fine print ‘til I was already parked in the chair. I was about to tip my hat and walk out.
That’s when Boss Hogg & Co. pivoted. Out rolls a 2023 Pro-4X, 13,000 miles, fully loaded with all the goodies. More than I asked for, but enough to keep me interested. Crawled under it — no surface rust like the Denver beaters I’d already seen. Somebody had undercoated it once. Clean engine bay, sharp build. That’s when I thought, well, might as well hang out and amuse myself — see how far I can push ‘em.
Quick recalculations told me the truth: if I wanted this deal to line up with future depreciation — so I wasn’t upside down in a year — I’d have to haggle hard. And that’s when the funnel snapped shut:
Enos (the salesman). Respectful, “yes sir, no sir,” just like the TV Enos. Built enough trust that I signed papers without my glasses — not careless, just trusting a fella I thought was a shipmate. Turns out, he was Army. (Sorry, brothers of the deep, that one’s on me.)
Boss Hogg (the floor manager). Every time I stood up to leave, he dropped another “discount” like a depth charge that missed — just enough to keep me circling in their fancy showroom.
Roscoe (the finance guy). And here’s where the trap really got sprung.
The Mirage of 1.9%
Enos told me I had a choice: Nissan’s 1.9% financing or $3,500–$4,500 in dealer cash. Well, who wouldn’t grab 1.9%? That’s how Roscoe got my credit in the system. Later I learned it’s a Boss Hogg trick — and wouldn’t you know it, used cars don’t count. Maybe Deputy Enos was just as naïve as me and meant no harm.
When the dust settled, the lender line was blank. And a mystery with 6.5%. Like firing a torpedo with safeties off — no target locked, just hoping for a lucky hit. And if you’ve ever chased one of those, you know: they’ve got a bad habit of circling back on the shooter.
For the full five-star saga — submarines, Boss Hogg, busted windshields, and all — head on over to The Sub Vet’s place at the link below. Just copy, paste, and click. I promise it’s a read you’ll enjoy — and you might even pick up a trick or two before you buy your next truck.
The Sub Vet:
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/18yuUydPg1/
Read More
Dealer Reviews
Service Reviews
Cars for Sale
Dealer Log In